


Human After All, Or Six Times Quinn Fabray Had a Revelation in Bed

by viklikesfic (v_angelique)



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, F/F, Songfic, femmeslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 16:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v_angelique/pseuds/viklikesfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I initially planned to do a more proper fill for the Amanda Palmer album and write a Glee fic based on one song, respecting the narrative and all, but I found it much easier to take bits and pieces out of context, so instead it's just a Glee songfic.  Hope you like!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Human After All, Or Six Times Quinn Fabray Had a Revelation in Bed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littledust](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=littledust).



**I.**

_Is it enough to have some love, small enough to slip inside a book?_

_Small enough to cover with your hand, because everyone around you wants to look?_

The cover of the scrapbook is blue, simple, unadorned.  Inside, it's easy to get lost in the photographs, the smiling faces, the party dresses and Cheerios uniforms.  But by prom…

 

Quinn smoothes her hand over her belly as she turns the page.  It's futile to think about prom right now.

 

Her favorite picture is a grinning Finn, in his football uniform with her on his shoulders, making "V" for victory arms.  They'd lost the game 28 to 0 that night, but the afternoon still brings back fond memories. 

 

What happens, Quinn wonders, when the box you once fit in isn't big enough to hold you?

 

She puts the book away, slides under her lacy covers, and closers her eyes. 

 

**II.**

 

_I have wasted years of my life agonizing about the fires I started when I thought to be strong you must be flame retardant_

_And now to dress the wounds called into question, how authentic they are_

_There is always someone criticizing me, "She just likes playing hospital"_

_Lying in my bed, I remember what you said_

_There's no such thing as accidents_

Getting slushee out of human hair is harder than you might think. 

 

She fingers the cornsilk strands compulsively, checking their lustre through repeated applications of conditioner.  It's easier to have a fixed point to focus on—hair is easy.  Hair can be controlled. 

 

She's past the point of wanting something dramatic to happen so that she can prove her superiority over the victims.  She's past the point of wanting there to be victims.  She wonders when she became so cruel, and why it has to be now that she starts caring. 

 

Finn believes in this baby.  Sometimes that's the hardest part.  Finn believes in the thing that is growing inside her, the thing that she can't control, the thing that they created.  Finn's more ready to accept the hand of destiny than she is, for all her religious upbringing.  Destiny always rang a little false to her. 

 

**III.**

 

_Oh, but no one can stare at the wall as good as you, my baby doll_

_And you're aces for coming along, you're almost human, after all_

_And you're learning that just because they call themselves friends doesn't mean they'll call_

It's not simply about fitting in, she thinks as she stares at the telephone, twisting the blanket in her hands again and again.  If it were as simple as that, she could do it.  She's molded herself to their image for years, their princess, their star.  Even pregnant, she could do that.

 

But glee club's changing her, changing all of them.  It's making her recognize her own humanity, and it's less about fitting in than it is about wondering who picked the box in the first place.  Her hand hovers over the numbers, and then she takes a breath and dials.

 

**IV.**

 

_They're hiding inside of me._

_Don't change my life._

_Help me if you might but don't tell my family._

_They'd never forgive me._

_They'd say that I'm crazy._

_But they would say anything if it would shut me up_

"I never knew you cared," Rachel admits, a little guiltily.  They sit cross-legged in Quinn's bed, their bare knees touching.  Quinn remembers sleepover parties, before the walls started closing in around her.

 

"I didn't," she says coolly, staring at their ankles.  Her expression softens, though, and a tear fights its way loose.  "Sometimes I wonder if those people down there even care what happens to me."

 

"Your parents?" Rachel clarifies softly, with the appropriate edge of shock.

 

"Finn's worried about meeting them," Quinn murmurs.  "I think he might tell."

 

"About the baby?"

 

"It all seems so simple," Quinn laughs.  "But it's not, at all.  The scandal… getting pregnant, and you know what?  They don't care whether I'm in _love_ with him.  That doesn't matter to them.  The scandal should be… that I'm carrying the baby of a man I can't stand sometimes.  That half the time I forget where I am, and that… I really want to kiss you right now," she admits through the tears.

 

Rachel stares at her in shock for a moment, and then she dives forward, like someone in the movies, and grabs Quinn by both cheeks.  Rachel's lips are warm, and if the kiss is a little too hard, with a little too much teeth, if it's obvious Rachel's working with limited experience here, it doesn't matter.  It reminds Quinn why she's here.

 

"Was it everything you hoped it would be?" Rachel asks in a rush of air, with the same excitement Quinn hears in her voice when she's about to solve one of Mr. Schuester's inevitable problems.

 

Quinn can't help but laugh.  "I… don't know." 

 

Sometimes, it seems easy. 

 

**V.**

 

_And I am still not getting what I want_

_I want to touch the back of your right arm_

_I wish you could remind me who I was_

_Because every day I’m a little further off_

Some days, Quinn finds herself clinging to Rachel.  It's not always spoken, never obvious, but Quinn's developed a unique ability to cling without physical contact.  It's not that Rachel's stopped being annoying, precocious, insufferable sometimes, but she's the only point of human connection Quinn knows right now that's _real_.  If nothing else, she can depend on that.

 

Sometimes, she catches herself watching Rachel, and when her eyes dart to Finn, and he looks away, it's not at all what he thinks.  She lies in a different bed, with coarser sheets, her boyfriend on the other side of the wall, and fantasizes about a smooth pale hand and a megawatt smile that can define Quinn in the opposition.  Her hand slips beneath the covers and she turns out the light.

 

**VI.**

 

_And I'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand_

_And even if I went with you, I'm not the girl you think I am_

_And I'm not gonna match you, cause I'll loose my voice completely_

_No I'm not gonna watch you, cause I'm not the one that's crazy_

 

"It's finished."

 

"What?"

 

"Finn, we…"

 

"What does this…?"

 

"I don't know.  I don't know."

 

Rachel gathers Quinn into her arms instinctively, and they cuddle awkwardly, Quinn's head on Rachel's pillow, Rachel hovering over her nervously like a mother hen.  "Are you in love with me?" Rachel asks quietly, stroking Quinn's hair from her face.

 

"I don't know.  But I'm not in love with him."

 

"Okay," Rachel says, and for once, she leaves it at that.  Their lips touch, hesitantly, and Quinn reaches up, anchors her hand on Rachel's hip.

 

"Do you ever wonder who you are?" Quinn whispers.

 

"Sometimes.  Do you?"

 

Quinn manages a small laugh, through the tears.  "Not anymore."


End file.
